Anticipatory Nausea and Chemo Scars

Day 8- feeling pretty good. I've been uncomfortable the last few days to the point that the old 'healthy' Cathy would have been popping Tylenol (headaches, back pain, flu like symptoms and nausea) but now I know these are actually good days. I'm thankful I haven't had any overwhelming side effects from treatment #4.

I have developed anticipatory nausea. Yep, it's a real condition. Me puking in the treatment room? Anticipatory. Me seeing a red Glade scented liquid plug in on the kitchen desk every day and having a physical reaction because the shade of red liquid is just like one of my chemo drugs? Anticipatory. The last three evenings I haven't visited my lymphoma web site because reading some of the information there (the names of my four drugs typed out, stories of the chemo smells) sends me to bathroom to get sick. Strange, but true.

Typing about this makes the back of my throat tingle.

My mind is telling me I'm just fine. I go through each day, playing, reading, working, resting, talking and functioning. I drive to chemo and while I don't look forward to it, I don't usually dread it. I know it has to be done; so I just do it.

However, my body presents with nausea and unfavorable physical reactions to various things that remind me of chemotherapy. Uncooked ground beef smells JUST like chemo drugs to me. Gas fumes at red lights, and on the Grant's Farm train smell just like chemo drugs to me. These are not cool places to get sick to one's stomach.

It's like being pregnant, X 1000, but without the positive outcome in 9 months. What a crock.

Some info here: Anticipatory Nausea

We threw out the Glade air freshener. Bright red kool-aid and soft drinks are not welcome here. Many patients develop severe cases of this and spend the evening(s) just before treatment severely ill.

As for the chemo scars, they started appearing weeks ago. I don't think anyone has an answer on these crazy things. They are dark, oddly shaped lines that form on your body as a sign to say "Hey everybody! In case you couldn't tell by my hair loss, puking, and overall crappy mood- I'm a cancer patient! I'm enduring chemotherapy right now!!"

I have one on my outer thigh. It's a long, straight line that almost coincides with my outer thigh muscle so I choose to view it as a highlight of my (non) muscle tone. Kind of like how they spray tan actors to make them look like they have a six pack stomach. Last night I took time to fully investigate my back, front... everywhere and I found the oddest egg sized circle just between my stomach and my back. These scars darken and lighten occasionally, and I'm not sure they go away after treatment.

So, I'm hanging in there. Luckily all the nausea medications I take at home work very well. The aching is toning down a bit so I'm hoping to feel like myself for this rainy, stormy weekend. :)