Things I've Always Known I Deserved...But Now Actually Try To Practice! :)

1. More than a cap full of bubble bath. Forget those directions from Avon 'Refreshing Pineapple.' You'll never get the bubbles you see in movies that way. Ditch the cap all together- the last few months I've been dumping 1/8 of the bottle right in.

Thanks to all of you that sent Walgreens gift cards; they went towards prescriptions and bubble bath.

2. I deserve to look at myself in the mirror a little closer. Forget the wrinkle here or there...or an extra pound... (or plural.) I now take a good hard look at myself a few times a week. That's how I noticed, and rejoiced in, my new hair sprouts!

3. Hot water when I simply wash my hands. I don't care if Noah is shoving a fork up his nose at Arbys...if I'm in the bathroom someone is tending to him. I now wait for the water to warm up before exiting. I used to rush and squirt some soap and freeze myself out with the cold faucet.

4. Me time. Noah and the girls will not be sent to therapy because I wasn't there for their every waking moment. A little time away is warranted. Thanks to my sis for keeping Noah the occasional weekend so I can rest.

5. Yearly physicals when nothing seems wrong. I deserve to get checked out once in a while for no real reason. Need I remind anyone that this cancer was caught by a massage therapist?? I wasn't exactly on top of my own health.

6. I deserve to be an advocate for my own health. When my onco or radiology chic say something I don't understand, I don't feel stupid for slowing them down. Why should I?? I'm paying for their homes in Ladue and their childrens' private educations.

7. If I want to DVR Housewives of New York and New Jersey marathons and watch them all in one afternoon I will no longer feel guilty about occasionally watching mindless TV. The one liners from that show put a smile on my face. A forty year old woman yelling at another "Jill!! You are a mean girl and you are in HIGH SCHOOL!!! And while you are in HIGH SCHOOL, I am in BROOKLYN!!" kept me laughing for a day.

8. To relish in things I hear all the time now, but won't forever. "Help me mommy and Kiss my boo boo" from my toddler, and "That was so awesome!!!" from the girls.

9. I deserve to have fun growing my hair back! :) I've never seen it start 'from scratch' so I'm trying to rock the G.I. Jane look and wear it as proudly as I can.

10. Cake. Enough said.

Love to all and thanks for the prayers. :)

The Girls of 92

I showed up to my last treatment and this was waiting for me from the girls of 92. Yes, that's the year I graduated high school and I have no problem discussing my age. Shouldn't we all relish every birthday? I'm certainly going to try.



I put the camera down after this pic and cut myself a slice. Then I decided it might taste even better warm so I nuked it for 10 seconds. It was glorious. Unending thank yous to Kathy, Steph, Angi, Laura and Cara for making each treatment just a little bit easier for me. Thank you for the card and high school - blast from the past- photos that accompanied the cake! (Whatever happened to Rachelle?)

I really think the chemo nurses thought that pretty cake was for them. I abruptly hid it under my beach bag of a purse.

Then my friend Renea brought me two ginormous cupcakes from Pastries of Denmark. Have you been there for lunch? It is divine and anyone within an hour of Olive Blvd needs to hit it. Get a load of this mother:



I don't even know how to begin eating this. Believe me, I'll figure it out.

This weekend I will rest and try to snap out of these few bad feeling days. My left arm is swollen because of the blood clots and I HATE taking the stupid pain meds. It feels like there is an elephant on my chest, so hopefully that will go away this weekend as well. It hasn't really hit me yet that I'm done with chemo, but I know it will any moment.

I don't see my oncologist for a MONTH so that is nice. I do see the radiation people in the next few weeks to get fitted for my upcoming radiation. I hear it isn't a pleasant process but I'm trying not to worry about that now.

My wish list right now, in order, is to:

Get past this week's side effects

Get this blasted port out

Somebody please put me through another PET test so we can figure out if the cancer is gone... please? There's not a whole lot of reason to celebrate until then!

Watch my hair sprouts come in

Spend lots of quality time at various pools and water parks with the kids and watch people wonder if I chose to cut my hair this way

Get the ball rolling on radiation after some summer fun.

Drill my doctor to death on the chances of this coming back; if I am blessed with a clean PET.

Watch more hair sprouts come in

Get back to the gym when all is said and done to work off this blasted cake. I never canceled my membership- positive thinking and visualization. We'll see.

Thank you for all your support!!! No more chemo!!!

Surprises

Hello,

One day I looked in the mirror and my snow white head suddenly looked darker. My hair is growing back! Little short sprouts of hair now cover the top of my head and my eyebrows are the same... a mix of short, dark baby hairs. It looks hilarious. I was never totally bald because once I started getting the Tales from the Crypt look...(you remember, that spooky guy with long whispies of hair coming out of his ugly bald head) I couldn't handle it anymore and I cut it all off but never shaved it. Razor burn on my head? No thank you. So, I've had some dark thin hairs for a while, especially above my ears. But out of nowhere my head is suddenly covered. Strange..but not uncommon...considering I still have one chemo left. Yay for hair!

I'm trying to get outdoors with the kids as much as possible when it's not blazing hot. Once I start radiation skin irritation can be a big problem and they've told me I can't get in the sun. How does one do that in... July? I hope to get a break between chemo and radiation; I guess I'll ask about that tomorrow.

Thanks so much to Robyn for the lovely card, gift card and necklace with Noah's name on it! I tried to post a picture but it just wouldn't come out right. I love it!

Thanks to all for so many kind words and prayers. Tonight I'll bake some brownies to take to my chemo nurses (and fellow patients) tomorrow on my last official treatment. Love to all-

Cathy

Pictures

Doing well...feeling good. Out and about with the kids all weekend in the heat. It was so hot I threw the hat to the curb and just let people wonder what was up with my crazy hair.

Getting situated in the lazy river...at a local pool


Tons and tons of sprinklers and splash pads


Kenzie in the indoor lap pool...that turns into a wave pool!


And.... he still has no use for the pedals whatsoever. Scoot, scoot everywhere.


Sunburned and OUT by 7pm


I hope everyone had a great weekend! My very last chemo treatment...hopefully forever...is this Thursday!

The Up Side of Cancer

1. No bad hair days.

2. You feel so crappy some days you no longer mess with the toilet paper holder. Your husband doesn't complain, and even acts downright thankful when you place the Costco 6 roll bulk pack of tissue near the toilet for everyone's use. Notice...one end is open. How thoughtful of me!

Have at, family!


3. When you notice grown adults rudely staring at the lumpy, odd shaped port under your skin to no avail, you get to make the split decision to let it go or embarrass the crap out of them by screaming..."Take a picture...it's a port! I need it for chemotherapy woman!!!" I've taken both the high road and the low road and they both felt great.

4. You get to buy and/or make silly yummy cakes and cuss out cancer. Then you eat the entire cake by yourself because the family is too scared of your reaction to take a piece. I swear I found them in a huddle near the fridge one night trying to decide if it was worth the risk.

5. You get to love your sister and two brothers even more than you already did. (That's you, Dave, Danny and Carla.)

6. You get to see friends you haven't seen in years! You hear nearly bi-weekly from that awesome college roommate you always knew you should have called and written more often. (That's you, Lori.)

You get to laugh your butt off at lunch with old girlfriends that drove an hour + to see you when you ask one of them "Geez, it's been 10+ years, how did you meet your husband??....expecting the 'Through church, through a friend, or we grew up together response when she ever so dryly answers..."Oh, through a bunch of losers I dated right before him." Bwaaahahaha. (That's you, Kathy, Laura and Cara! Not to mention Sarah and Faith!)

You get to know people you mainly speak to online now-a-days! Thanks to April, Steph, Rachel, Char, Deb, Chris, Karen and so many others that leave so many encouraging comments.

6.a Oh, and the people who probably think they aren't that important but spend a brief 10 minutes of each day with me chatting about nonsense and our weekends? You learn that their concern means so much. (That's you.. Renea, Emily and Julie.)

6.b And, to those friends you stopped hearing from all together with the diagnosis 6 months ago? You get to patiently hold your tongue and listen to their stories that they haven't known what to say, or no stories at all because you STILL haven't heard from them. Sigh. Either way, you learn a lot about your friendships...and that's a good thing.

7. You find that good friends actually listen when you say "Keep talking about normal stuff! I want to know about your co-worker that is driving you crazy! I don't want to talk about ME... or CANCER... all the time!!!" (That's you...Paula, Eric and family, Lee, Kathryn, Diane...too many to count.)

8. At some point you get to scream "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!!!" and chop all your hair off yourself. It's liberating...and something a sane person wouldn't normally do unless he or she had this disease or one similar. Admit it, we've all wanted to chop our hair off at some point in our life when it just wouldn't mind. Now I have the perfect excuse.

8a You buy a bulk size container of Herbal Essences in March...and it only moves this much by June. Cost savings!!!



9. Food you probably shouldn't be eating anyway starts to taste really, really bad.

10. Food you probably shouldn't eat anyway starts to look really, really good. (That's you... Taco Bell.)

11. Your children tell you 16 times a day how beautiful you are, making you paranoid they've been prompted by someone. Who cares...it's still very sweet.

12. You become a millionaire by buying stock in Kleenex Co. Without nose hair? The amount I use each day is enough to make each stockholder rich.

13. No more expensive and painful eyebrow pluckings, and my arms are slick as butter. I could become an Olympic swimmer.

14. I thank Jesus every single day that although I will come through this, my small child was not stricken with it. Every mother says "I would take this from you if I could...." and I'm so thankful I don't have to say that.

Treatment was fine yesterday, and so was the testing on my head. :) I'm just as kooky as they expected me to be when they put me in the MRI machine. One more chemo to go. Love to all. :)

Cathy

Thursday

Well, hopefully treatment tomorrow will be a success. I don't exactly remember when I had my last treatment... 5 weeks ago? I think my hair is confused and trying to grow back in.

All the breathing tests and lung scans show that I'm within a normal range. My cough is still present and oh so annoying, but it has lessened and at least we've ruled out the bleomycin (one of my chemo drugs) toxicity that was suspected.

Last weekend things blacked out on me for about 20 seconds. So, you know what that means. Tests, machines, and scan after scan.....again this week. Between the blood clots, breathing/cough problems and now the blackout I've been at the hospital three times a week for the last month for testing. I've probably needed my head examined for a while now, so this was the perfect opportunity. I've felt absolutely fine since this weekend.

Hoping for positive outcomes and a successful treatment tomorrow! :)

Yay for (pleasant) surprises!

The doorbell rang this week and this was at the door from Baskets.com:



The card read:

Inspired by your last blog post. It's not exactly a fancy cake, but I hope it can still sit in the fridge and brighten your day(s) a bit! Love, Kathryn

When I opened the package I found tons and tons of smiley face cookies. Noah learned the word CAKE when I bought the "Kiss it cancer" cake and now he has officially learned the word COOKIE.

This is the half eaten box. How cute are these cookies?



It was hot enough today that we finally put the pool up that I bought at Costco. A good friend of mine (an hour away) was so interested in this pool that I got her one and she drove all this way to pick it up. Bottom line- it's a pretty kick butt pool.

Slide in the middle, bench and cup holders in the back, fun sprayers for the kids in the front.



The girls and I were determined to set this up today... then we realized all we had on hand was a bike air pump. It took us THREE HOURS to inflate this pool. The girls learned a lot about work ethic today.

Finally... a sun spent tired baby at the end of the day with sissy singing Twinkle Twinkle