Hello,
One day I looked in the mirror and my snow white head suddenly looked darker. My hair is growing back! Little short sprouts of hair now cover the top of my head and my eyebrows are the same... a mix of short, dark baby hairs. It looks hilarious. I was never totally bald because once I started getting the Tales from the Crypt look...(you remember, that spooky guy with long whispies of hair coming out of his ugly bald head) I couldn't handle it anymore and I cut it all off but never shaved it. Razor burn on my head? No thank you. So, I've had some dark thin hairs for a while, especially above my ears. But out of nowhere my head is suddenly covered. Strange..but not uncommon...considering I still have one chemo left. Yay for hair!
I'm trying to get outdoors with the kids as much as possible when it's not blazing hot. Once I start radiation skin irritation can be a big problem and they've told me I can't get in the sun. How does one do that in... July? I hope to get a break between chemo and radiation; I guess I'll ask about that tomorrow.
Thanks so much to Robyn for the lovely card, gift card and necklace with Noah's name on it! I tried to post a picture but it just wouldn't come out right. I love it!
Thanks to all for so many kind words and prayers. Tonight I'll bake some brownies to take to my chemo nurses (and fellow patients) tomorrow on my last official treatment. Love to all-
Cathy
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Pictures
Doing well...feeling good. Out and about with the kids all weekend in the heat. It was so hot I threw the hat to the curb and just let people wonder what was up with my crazy hair.
Getting situated in the lazy river...at a local pool
Tons and tons of sprinklers and splash pads
Kenzie in the indoor lap pool...that turns into a wave pool!
And.... he still has no use for the pedals whatsoever. Scoot, scoot everywhere.
Sunburned and OUT by 7pm
I hope everyone had a great weekend! My very last chemo treatment...hopefully forever...is this Thursday!
Getting situated in the lazy river...at a local pool
Tons and tons of sprinklers and splash pads
Kenzie in the indoor lap pool...that turns into a wave pool!
And.... he still has no use for the pedals whatsoever. Scoot, scoot everywhere.
Sunburned and OUT by 7pm
I hope everyone had a great weekend! My very last chemo treatment...hopefully forever...is this Thursday!
Friday, June 11, 2010
The Up Side of Cancer
1. No bad hair days.
2. You feel so crappy some days you no longer mess with the toilet paper holder. Your husband doesn't complain, and even acts downright thankful when you place the Costco 6 roll bulk pack of tissue near the toilet for everyone's use. Notice...one end is open. How thoughtful of me!
Have at, family!
3. When you notice grown adults rudely staring at the lumpy, odd shaped port under your skin to no avail, you get to make the split decision to let it go or embarrass the crap out of them by screaming..."Take a picture...it's a port! I need it for chemotherapy woman!!!" I've taken both the high road and the low road and they both felt great.
4. You get to buy and/or make silly yummy cakes and cuss out cancer. Then you eat the entire cake by yourself because the family is too scared of your reaction to take a piece. I swear I found them in a huddle near the fridge one night trying to decide if it was worth the risk.
5. You get to love your sister and two brothers even more than you already did. (That's you, Dave, Danny and Carla.)
6. You get to see friends you haven't seen in years! You hear nearly bi-weekly from that awesome college roommate you always knew you should have called and written more often. (That's you, Lori.)
You get to laugh your butt off at lunch with old girlfriends that drove an hour + to see you when you ask one of them "Geez, it's been 10+ years, how did you meet your husband??....expecting the 'Through church, through a friend, or we grew up together response when she ever so dryly answers..."Oh, through a bunch of losers I dated right before him." Bwaaahahaha. (That's you, Kathy, Laura and Cara! Not to mention Sarah and Faith!)
You get to know people you mainly speak to online now-a-days! Thanks to April, Steph, Rachel, Char, Deb, Chris, Karen and so many others that leave so many encouraging comments.
6.a Oh, and the people who probably think they aren't that important but spend a brief 10 minutes of each day with me chatting about nonsense and our weekends? You learn that their concern means so much. (That's you.. Renea, Emily and Julie.)
6.b And, to those friends you stopped hearing from all together with the diagnosis 6 months ago? You get to patiently hold your tongue and listen to their stories that they haven't known what to say, or no stories at all because you STILL haven't heard from them. Sigh. Either way, you learn a lot about your friendships...and that's a good thing.
7. You find that good friends actually listen when you say "Keep talking about normal stuff! I want to know about your co-worker that is driving you crazy! I don't want to talk about ME... or CANCER... all the time!!!" (That's you...Paula, Eric and family, Lee, Kathryn, Diane...too many to count.)
8. At some point you get to scream "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!!!" and chop all your hair off yourself. It's liberating...and something a sane person wouldn't normally do unless he or she had this disease or one similar. Admit it, we've all wanted to chop our hair off at some point in our life when it just wouldn't mind. Now I have the perfect excuse.
8a You buy a bulk size container of Herbal Essences in March...and it only moves this much by June. Cost savings!!!
9. Food you probably shouldn't be eating anyway starts to taste really, really bad.
10. Food you probably shouldn't eat anyway starts to look really, really good. (That's you... Taco Bell.)
11. Your children tell you 16 times a day how beautiful you are, making you paranoid they've been prompted by someone. Who cares...it's still very sweet.
12. You become a millionaire by buying stock in Kleenex Co. Without nose hair? The amount I use each day is enough to make each stockholder rich.
13. No more expensive and painful eyebrow pluckings, and my arms are slick as butter. I could become an Olympic swimmer.
14. I thank Jesus every single day that although I will come through this, my small child was not stricken with it. Every mother says "I would take this from you if I could...." and I'm so thankful I don't have to say that.
Treatment was fine yesterday, and so was the testing on my head. :) I'm just as kooky as they expected me to be when they put me in the MRI machine. One more chemo to go. Love to all. :)
Cathy
2. You feel so crappy some days you no longer mess with the toilet paper holder. Your husband doesn't complain, and even acts downright thankful when you place the Costco 6 roll bulk pack of tissue near the toilet for everyone's use. Notice...one end is open. How thoughtful of me!
Have at, family!
3. When you notice grown adults rudely staring at the lumpy, odd shaped port under your skin to no avail, you get to make the split decision to let it go or embarrass the crap out of them by screaming..."Take a picture...it's a port! I need it for chemotherapy woman!!!" I've taken both the high road and the low road and they both felt great.
4. You get to buy and/or make silly yummy cakes and cuss out cancer. Then you eat the entire cake by yourself because the family is too scared of your reaction to take a piece. I swear I found them in a huddle near the fridge one night trying to decide if it was worth the risk.
5. You get to love your sister and two brothers even more than you already did. (That's you, Dave, Danny and Carla.)
6. You get to see friends you haven't seen in years! You hear nearly bi-weekly from that awesome college roommate you always knew you should have called and written more often. (That's you, Lori.)
You get to laugh your butt off at lunch with old girlfriends that drove an hour + to see you when you ask one of them "Geez, it's been 10+ years, how did you meet your husband??....expecting the 'Through church, through a friend, or we grew up together response when she ever so dryly answers..."Oh, through a bunch of losers I dated right before him." Bwaaahahaha. (That's you, Kathy, Laura and Cara! Not to mention Sarah and Faith!)
You get to know people you mainly speak to online now-a-days! Thanks to April, Steph, Rachel, Char, Deb, Chris, Karen and so many others that leave so many encouraging comments.
6.a Oh, and the people who probably think they aren't that important but spend a brief 10 minutes of each day with me chatting about nonsense and our weekends? You learn that their concern means so much. (That's you.. Renea, Emily and Julie.)
6.b And, to those friends you stopped hearing from all together with the diagnosis 6 months ago? You get to patiently hold your tongue and listen to their stories that they haven't known what to say, or no stories at all because you STILL haven't heard from them. Sigh. Either way, you learn a lot about your friendships...and that's a good thing.
7. You find that good friends actually listen when you say "Keep talking about normal stuff! I want to know about your co-worker that is driving you crazy! I don't want to talk about ME... or CANCER... all the time!!!" (That's you...Paula, Eric and family, Lee, Kathryn, Diane...too many to count.)
8. At some point you get to scream "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!!!" and chop all your hair off yourself. It's liberating...and something a sane person wouldn't normally do unless he or she had this disease or one similar. Admit it, we've all wanted to chop our hair off at some point in our life when it just wouldn't mind. Now I have the perfect excuse.
8a You buy a bulk size container of Herbal Essences in March...and it only moves this much by June. Cost savings!!!
9. Food you probably shouldn't be eating anyway starts to taste really, really bad.
10. Food you probably shouldn't eat anyway starts to look really, really good. (That's you... Taco Bell.)
11. Your children tell you 16 times a day how beautiful you are, making you paranoid they've been prompted by someone. Who cares...it's still very sweet.
12. You become a millionaire by buying stock in Kleenex Co. Without nose hair? The amount I use each day is enough to make each stockholder rich.
13. No more expensive and painful eyebrow pluckings, and my arms are slick as butter. I could become an Olympic swimmer.
14. I thank Jesus every single day that although I will come through this, my small child was not stricken with it. Every mother says "I would take this from you if I could...." and I'm so thankful I don't have to say that.
Treatment was fine yesterday, and so was the testing on my head. :) I'm just as kooky as they expected me to be when they put me in the MRI machine. One more chemo to go. Love to all. :)
Cathy
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Thursday
Well, hopefully treatment tomorrow will be a success. I don't exactly remember when I had my last treatment... 5 weeks ago? I think my hair is confused and trying to grow back in.
All the breathing tests and lung scans show that I'm within a normal range. My cough is still present and oh so annoying, but it has lessened and at least we've ruled out the bleomycin (one of my chemo drugs) toxicity that was suspected.
Last weekend things blacked out on me for about 20 seconds. So, you know what that means. Tests, machines, and scan after scan.....again this week. Between the blood clots, breathing/cough problems and now the blackout I've been at the hospital three times a week for the last month for testing. I've probably needed my head examined for a while now, so this was the perfect opportunity. I've felt absolutely fine since this weekend.
Hoping for positive outcomes and a successful treatment tomorrow! :)
All the breathing tests and lung scans show that I'm within a normal range. My cough is still present and oh so annoying, but it has lessened and at least we've ruled out the bleomycin (one of my chemo drugs) toxicity that was suspected.
Last weekend things blacked out on me for about 20 seconds. So, you know what that means. Tests, machines, and scan after scan.....again this week. Between the blood clots, breathing/cough problems and now the blackout I've been at the hospital three times a week for the last month for testing. I've probably needed my head examined for a while now, so this was the perfect opportunity. I've felt absolutely fine since this weekend.
Hoping for positive outcomes and a successful treatment tomorrow! :)
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Yay for (pleasant) surprises!
The doorbell rang this week and this was at the door from Baskets.com:
The card read:
Inspired by your last blog post. It's not exactly a fancy cake, but I hope it can still sit in the fridge and brighten your day(s) a bit! Love, Kathryn
When I opened the package I found tons and tons of smiley face cookies. Noah learned the word CAKE when I bought the "Kiss it cancer" cake and now he has officially learned the word COOKIE.
This is the half eaten box. How cute are these cookies?
It was hot enough today that we finally put the pool up that I bought at Costco. A good friend of mine (an hour away) was so interested in this pool that I got her one and she drove all this way to pick it up. Bottom line- it's a pretty kick butt pool.
Slide in the middle, bench and cup holders in the back, fun sprayers for the kids in the front.
The girls and I were determined to set this up today... then we realized all we had on hand was a bike air pump. It took us THREE HOURS to inflate this pool. The girls learned a lot about work ethic today.
Finally... a sun spent tired baby at the end of the day with sissy singing Twinkle Twinkle
The card read:
Inspired by your last blog post. It's not exactly a fancy cake, but I hope it can still sit in the fridge and brighten your day(s) a bit! Love, Kathryn
When I opened the package I found tons and tons of smiley face cookies. Noah learned the word CAKE when I bought the "Kiss it cancer" cake and now he has officially learned the word COOKIE.
This is the half eaten box. How cute are these cookies?
It was hot enough today that we finally put the pool up that I bought at Costco. A good friend of mine (an hour away) was so interested in this pool that I got her one and she drove all this way to pick it up. Bottom line- it's a pretty kick butt pool.
Slide in the middle, bench and cup holders in the back, fun sprayers for the kids in the front.
The girls and I were determined to set this up today... then we realized all we had on hand was a bike air pump. It took us THREE HOURS to inflate this pool. The girls learned a lot about work ethic today.
Finally... a sun spent tired baby at the end of the day with sissy singing Twinkle Twinkle
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Treatment canceled again!!!
This is getting old.
I showed up drugged up and ready for chemo today. With all my nausea during treatment lately they have me taking multiple nausea meds and Ativan to try and rest (rather konk out) during treatment. It was barely safe for me to drive there today.
The nurses didn't like the sound of my cough. I held myself back from saying "No crap... I'm gasping for air and I've had it over 3 weeks now."
They called my doctor at another hospital and he wants more testing done on my lungs.
I kept my cool but was screaming inside "DIDNT WE DO THIS LAST WEEK? HOW MANY MORE TESTS CAN THERE BE, AND WHY WEREN'T THEY RUN A WEEK AGO?"
But, it's ok. I've lost another week and am just trying to get FINISHED with chemo.
So, tomorrow will be spent at the hospital having more lung work done. I think I blow into stuff this time. I'm certainly glad they're taking another look; I just wish this comprehensive testing had been done last week so I could have gotten treatment done today.
I'm TWO away and dying to mark an end date on the calendar. I thought that would be in June but it keeps getting pushed out. Deep breath- it will be fine. Cake.... here I come.
I showed up drugged up and ready for chemo today. With all my nausea during treatment lately they have me taking multiple nausea meds and Ativan to try and rest (rather konk out) during treatment. It was barely safe for me to drive there today.
The nurses didn't like the sound of my cough. I held myself back from saying "No crap... I'm gasping for air and I've had it over 3 weeks now."
They called my doctor at another hospital and he wants more testing done on my lungs.
I kept my cool but was screaming inside "DIDNT WE DO THIS LAST WEEK? HOW MANY MORE TESTS CAN THERE BE, AND WHY WEREN'T THEY RUN A WEEK AGO?"
But, it's ok. I've lost another week and am just trying to get FINISHED with chemo.
So, tomorrow will be spent at the hospital having more lung work done. I think I blow into stuff this time. I'm certainly glad they're taking another look; I just wish this comprehensive testing had been done last week so I could have gotten treatment done today.
I'm TWO away and dying to mark an end date on the calendar. I thought that would be in June but it keeps getting pushed out. Deep breath- it will be fine. Cake.... here I come.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Kiss It Cancer
Sorry it's been a while. I did a lot of resting over the holiday weekend and that was a lot of work.
Pretty good news all around I think... the scans showed no lung damage. So, that is good news but it seems nobody can tell me what to do about this cough. My oncologist labeled it a 'hyper sensitivity' to allergies due to my chemo drugs. That's great and all...but how do we make it stop?
The CT scan also showed significant shrinkage in my neck and chest lymph nodes. So, that's a good sign that I'm responding to treatment. I'll need another PET scan to determine if/what cancer is left in my body but shrinkage in the black and white CT scan is a good start.
When told all this over the phone, I meekly asked "So, does that mean I don't need the last cycle of chemo???" The nurse abruptly told me that yes, I still needed chemo and then radiation to 'clean and tidy everything up.' Uggghhh.....I tried. Praying for a clean PET scan when treatment is over, but I'll take this as good news for now.
This evening I buckled Noah in the car seat and was about to take off to the bank when I remembered to get the mail. Funny timing.... because lo and behold (what does that term mean?) I had a card from my brother with a gift certificate to Shnucks for the cake I forementioned. With all my resting this weekend I had forgotten about my resolve to keep cake stocked in the fridge.
What a nice surprise! So, I went to the boring bank...crossed the street to Shnucks with the 2 year old in tow and marched up to the cake section. I could have gone for the boring, single person serving of cake...but no. I knew I needed at least a week's worth.
The cake lady looked about triple my age so...while I'm not usually shy... I just couldn't muster a 'Screw Cancer' or something even more heinous. It felt so disrespectful. So I said..."Can you please decorate the cake with 'Kiss It Cancer? I'm going to eat most of it myself and enjoy every bite.'
Well the little cake lady about had a meltdown...hugged me...rather clung to me... and pinched Noah's cheeks. He didn't know what to think. He kept chanting 'CAKE! CAKE! CAKE!' She went on about how she would pray for me and my battle against this disease. I told her I was fine...would probably end up just fine... and really just needed some cake and how sweet of her for the concern. She told me in her 15 years it was one of the more memorable cake salutations she had encountered.
Kiss it cancer. I mean it.
The checkout lady had a very similar response... and while I'm trained to counsel I really hadn't planned on whipping out a Freudian couch up at Shnucks to help these women through their grief. I was very, very appreciative of their responses...but ready to get out of there...skip dinner...and eat some cake. I told them it was going to be ok, and I have a lot to be thankful for!! Noah chanted 'CAKE!' the whole way home.
Thanks so much to brother Dave and his family for the unexpected gift and beautiful card. Thank you to my sister Carla for watching Noah over the holiday weekend so mommy could rest!
So- I'm sure my weight won't drop this week and that's ok. They've been getting on to me for that for months now (contrary to popular belief, nowadays most people GAIN weight from chemo because of all the steroids involved. Somehow I haven't- thank goodness. ONE perk out of this mess... please??)
Oh, I almost forgot. I cut my hair off. I was starting to remind myself of Beetlejuice- a round, mostly white scalp with dark whispy hair coming out here and there and just hanging out. Ridiculous. I just took scissors over the weekend and made it all even...which means it's all about 1/2 inch long. I think I look like a (fully) white, mostly bald Halle Berry. :) Ok, big stretch.
Treatment is Thursday... still two more since last week was canceled. It's a long, slow road but we're getting there.... thanks to great friends, family... and cake. :)
Love to all
Cathy
Pretty good news all around I think... the scans showed no lung damage. So, that is good news but it seems nobody can tell me what to do about this cough. My oncologist labeled it a 'hyper sensitivity' to allergies due to my chemo drugs. That's great and all...but how do we make it stop?
The CT scan also showed significant shrinkage in my neck and chest lymph nodes. So, that's a good sign that I'm responding to treatment. I'll need another PET scan to determine if/what cancer is left in my body but shrinkage in the black and white CT scan is a good start.
When told all this over the phone, I meekly asked "So, does that mean I don't need the last cycle of chemo???" The nurse abruptly told me that yes, I still needed chemo and then radiation to 'clean and tidy everything up.' Uggghhh.....I tried. Praying for a clean PET scan when treatment is over, but I'll take this as good news for now.
This evening I buckled Noah in the car seat and was about to take off to the bank when I remembered to get the mail. Funny timing.... because lo and behold (what does that term mean?) I had a card from my brother with a gift certificate to Shnucks for the cake I forementioned. With all my resting this weekend I had forgotten about my resolve to keep cake stocked in the fridge.
What a nice surprise! So, I went to the boring bank...crossed the street to Shnucks with the 2 year old in tow and marched up to the cake section. I could have gone for the boring, single person serving of cake...but no. I knew I needed at least a week's worth.
The cake lady looked about triple my age so...while I'm not usually shy... I just couldn't muster a 'Screw Cancer' or something even more heinous. It felt so disrespectful. So I said..."Can you please decorate the cake with 'Kiss It Cancer? I'm going to eat most of it myself and enjoy every bite.'
Well the little cake lady about had a meltdown...hugged me...rather clung to me... and pinched Noah's cheeks. He didn't know what to think. He kept chanting 'CAKE! CAKE! CAKE!' She went on about how she would pray for me and my battle against this disease. I told her I was fine...would probably end up just fine... and really just needed some cake and how sweet of her for the concern. She told me in her 15 years it was one of the more memorable cake salutations she had encountered.
Kiss it cancer. I mean it.
The checkout lady had a very similar response... and while I'm trained to counsel I really hadn't planned on whipping out a Freudian couch up at Shnucks to help these women through their grief. I was very, very appreciative of their responses...but ready to get out of there...skip dinner...and eat some cake. I told them it was going to be ok, and I have a lot to be thankful for!! Noah chanted 'CAKE!' the whole way home.
Thanks so much to brother Dave and his family for the unexpected gift and beautiful card. Thank you to my sister Carla for watching Noah over the holiday weekend so mommy could rest!
So- I'm sure my weight won't drop this week and that's ok. They've been getting on to me for that for months now (contrary to popular belief, nowadays most people GAIN weight from chemo because of all the steroids involved. Somehow I haven't- thank goodness. ONE perk out of this mess... please??)
Oh, I almost forgot. I cut my hair off. I was starting to remind myself of Beetlejuice- a round, mostly white scalp with dark whispy hair coming out here and there and just hanging out. Ridiculous. I just took scissors over the weekend and made it all even...which means it's all about 1/2 inch long. I think I look like a (fully) white, mostly bald Halle Berry. :) Ok, big stretch.
Treatment is Thursday... still two more since last week was canceled. It's a long, slow road but we're getting there.... thanks to great friends, family... and cake. :)
Love to all
Cathy
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